TOP 100 NEWSPAPER SITES
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| Fewer Children Dying From Malaria Due to Bed Nets The World Health Organization says fewer children are dying from malaria because of greater use of insecticide treated mosquito nets and better treatment. While significant progress has been made, WHO says malaria programs must be stepped up drastically to meet the U.N.'s Millennium Development Goals of cutting malaria deaths in half by the year 2015. www1.voanews.com |
Nestle shuts Zimbabwe milk plant Swiss multinational Nestle suspends operations at its dairy plant in Zimbabwe, citing harassment. news.bbc.co.uk |
Being Jeremy Clarkson | Jon Canter As the Top Gear presenter's doppelganger I now feel a strong urge to help the homelessIt was two kids down the road who started it. Whenever they saw me, they pointed and shouted his name. I would cover my head in mock shame, as if to say: "I don't really look like him, do I?" I wasn't bothered. They're kids. Kids don't know what they are talking about.Then, in a different road, a hundred miles away, an adult shouted the same name. That did it. Those kids were right: I am a lookalike. I look like a famous person. At this point, I confessed all to my wife (always a good idea). She reassured me. She said I have a similar chin, but otherwise do not resemble him. Then I asked a friend. He reassured me too. He said I have similar hair, but otherwise do not resemble him.By now, the resemblance was troubling me. Sharing the platform with Edna O'Brien at a literary lunch, I stood up to give my speech. I began by saying that if I had to define the difference between Edna and me as writers, I would say that she never got mistaken for Jeremy Clarkson. This got a big laugh, which was unfortunate; clearly, the audience thought I looked like him too, or they would not have been so amused. To make matters worse, Edna, who could not have been kinder or more gracious, turned to me during her own speech and – with reference to my point about the effect of exile on writers – said: "I agree with Jeremy." That's right. Without sarcasm or irony, in a genuine mistake, Edna O'Brien looked me in the eyes and called me by his name.I too call him Jeremy now. I feel I know him. Doubtless, this is a delusion common to all doppelgangers of the famous. As it happens, I do know people who know him. I asked one what he was like, away from the cameras. She told me he was opinionated. Jeremy? Opinionated? No! I placed my hands over my ears and hummed loudly.It was not the news that he was opinionated that made me react in this way. It was the news that I am opinionated. I must be. If I look like him, I must be like him. The face is a window to the soul, so we must have similar souls. Should I get my window replaced? Should I pay a plastic surgeon to de-clarksonise my chin? No. I refuse to alter myself. I have the face I deserve. It just so happens that it is Jeremy's.Instead of railing against fortune, I must embrace my fate. After all, the man is a genius. We're all agreed on that. Top Gear is smart, funny and imaginative. Jeremy gives motormouths a good name. He is colourful. He is memorable. He does not care if you like him. As a consequence, millions of people do not. But millions of people do. When I walk into a room, I want to be liked. That is a weakness. I should obliterate it. I must speak as I find, fearlessly. I must not let my fans down. (Sorry, that was a typing error. I meant, of course, his fans.)I should even regard it as a business opportunity. I'm sure that's what Jeremy would want. In fact, Jeremy, if you're reading this, I would happily – for a fee – open a fete, should your busy schedule preclude your doing so in person; though, even for money, I am reluctant to make love to your wife, for fear she might discern differences between us that would make me feel inadequate.Last Wednesday, Jerry – can I call you Jerry? – something happened that made me understand my responsibilities towards you. Two friends and I were walking through Soho. We passed a Big Issue seller without buying a copy. Upset, he pursued us. Then it happened. You know what's coming. Bitterly, he called out: "Jeremy Clarkson?" That was his final ploy to get you (me) to part with your (my) cash. He was homeless and you make millions.I will be honest with you, Jez. Sometimes I buy the Big Issue, and sometimes I don't. But now the issue is this: every time I don't buy it, another homeless person thinks you are a tightfisted bastard. From now on, I owe it to you to buy a Big Issue every time. Who says celebrity culture is a bad thing?Jeremy ClarksonJon Canterguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Bilingual barker - Polish dog given crash course in English RSPCA staff in Oldham discover a dog they thought was deaf could only understand Polish. news.bbc.co.uk |
Yemen troops killed at checkpoint An attack on a checkpoint in Yemen's southern province of Shabwa leaves three troops dead, officials say. news.bbc.co.uk |